WE ALL HAVE THOSE DAYS?

Here I am on my bed with tears flowing through my eyes and my spirit just keeps telling me to share. I am currently reading the book of Isaiah which is a bit tough for me and most times I have to use simpler versions to really understand what the book is about. Nearly gave up on the book of Isaiah but it became a challenge I wanted to overcome (Never ever have I finished the book of Isaiah). The book of Isaiah made me start thinking Is God weird? For example, the Assyrian King spoke about how God told him to rise up to kill the Israelites (boasted about it) and then the book tells us that God decided to punish him as he tells the Israelites he will punish their enemies.

This post is not about the book of Isaiah but about why a lot of things happen to me or why God allowed them happen to me, perhaps I have to read the book of Job. I would like to share one thing I battled recently which was the spirit of depression.

Last year, I attended a class reunion; it was really good to see my old classmates, the food, drinks and pictures. I was truly happy but when I entered my house that night, I just started crying. To be truthful guys, I had no idea why I was crying but there was this darkness that definitely filled my soul and my environment. Everything just seemed meaningless and I literally wanted to commit suicide. I could not understand why certain things that happened to me happened. Did I offend God? It seemed like a hit back to back.  I started googling various pages online on ways to kill yourself, the more I opened my social media pages and saw how peoples’ lives were prompted me to commit suicide. When I think about it, I ask myself if I lacked the courage to take my own life.

For me, being a Christian is tough and I ask God for strength to live as one on earth. My battle with depression is real. Could literally look at my friends’ mothers and be like ‘What was so special about their mother that God had to take mine?” or “Why did God not allow my early plans in 2018 fall into place when he knows how much I enjoy being an accessories designer” or “Why does it seem like everything worked out for my siblings in 2017 and then I was left behind” but then again as Christians we are taught to hold fast to God regardless of all circumstances. Its tough mehn……there have been so many times I told myself Fuck God, Fuck Christ and leave me the fuck alone.

I even tried taking weed because I wanted my worries to be over. I was disappointed because like Tamera Mowry, I never got high. It is okay to be sad and take a break from your daily activities to relax, it is okay to switch off your phone(s) and not want to talk with people but it is NOT okay to be depressed. It takes YOU to make that conscious effort. I do not know how I am better. There is just this hope I have in Christ Jesus that is unexplained. I still have many bad days but now I am practicing my daily confessions. I still cry sometimes but now I can tell Jesus that I am crying and he should help me wipe my tears. If you ever feel that you are not okay, kindly use all possible helplines before you make a decision. PLEASE!

Have you ever dealt with the spirit of depression? Kindly share and encourage us😘😘